Our theme this year for our school district is superheroes. That's exactly what a good teacher is to a kid or should be. But it's exactly what I feel like I'm not.
I constantly feel like I'm not enough and today, it culminated. It was purposeful planning day at school and I assumed I could get a lot done. Apparently, I was mistaken. I was not enough today. I was overwhelmed with the lessons plans I had yet to make, the parents I needed to call, the piles of papers I needed to grade, the paper work I needed to fill out, the practices I needed to plan, the laundry I needed to fold at home, the dishes I needed to do, and the husband I needed to spend time with. All these "needs" were staring me in the face begging me to tackle them. It was too much. There is no way I will fill every need everyday, so today I had to stop. Yes, I had to cry about it like a little girl, but I got it out of my system so that I could think straight again. More importantly, I had to revaluate which "needs" were most important in my life.
As I was planning for the week, I realized I had stopped writing. I remember thinking about this last night, too. While I was grocery shopping, all I could think was how much I wanted to go home, run, come home, write for a while, shower, and finally, sleep. Of course, I didn't do these things. (Honestly, I'm lucky I had time to get food in the house). I filled my evening with more stuff I "needed" to get done. I didn't run. I didn't write. If I'm honest, I didn't even shower. Last night, I put all of these things on the back burner and focused on what I thought needed to be done. But today I thought about this decision because I came to the same cross roads. If I stop writing, I stop growing, stop learning. If I stop writing and growing, what can I teach my kids about living a writing kind of life? How are they supposed to learn from me if I don't incorporate writing in my life, even when it's hard, but expect them to? There will always be "needs" that I must fill, but if I'm not nurturing the most important ones, the ones that make me who I am, I'll lose myself.
So, the laundry is still in the dryer. The dishes are still dirty. The papers are still ungraded, but I don't care because I made time to do what I needed. I shared some laughs with the hubs, shared some snuggles with my pups, and shared some meager thoughts with the world. I may not be writing poems or novels or anything profound, but a simple blog entry will suffice tonight. It was something I needed to do. Everything gets a little simpler, priorities become a little clearer, when pen hits the paper. Thanks for keeping me accountable! :)
