Ramblings of a dog-lover, reader, and teacher: June 2014

I may be the only teacher who cried on the last day of school. I didn't cry while kids were in my room. I didn't cry while I packed up my room. I kept myself busy with end-of-year tasks, so I didn't think about how much these kids meant to me until all was done. There were no more papers to shred or supplies to put away or file cabinets to organize. I was left staring at my empty room. As I stared at the lifeless desks, the movie roll of memories began to play and the tears began right on cue.

I've loved all of my kids from day one, but there is something about the finality of an empty classroom. Knowing I would never teach those kids again was too much too handle. Seeing the empty chairs and bare walls made me realize how much I will miss these guys. As I reminisced about the year, I just couldn't help thinking about how far these kids have come as individuals and as writers. I'm so honored and humbled that I got to pour a little of my life into them. There is no other feeling like watching a kid "get it" or watching a quiet kid finally come out of her shell and embrace who she is or watching a kid become a young adult right in front of your eyes. They've become a part of me, and they each have a piece of my heart. They will never know how much they've touched my life.

As I was standing at my classroom door ready to leave, staring at white walls and vacant seats, the tears came (again). I literally stood at my door with the lights off for at least 10 minutes, staring and sobbing. It was pretty ridiculous. But it felt like the end of an era. And I couldn't do it. I couldn't close off the year. I couldn't close off the connection I'd worked so hard to build with my kids. I couldn't handle it. My co-workers, confused, saw me standing there, eyes bubbling and consoled me as I cried and told them how I didn't want the year to end. I feel like a parent whose kid is graduating. Man, I'm doomed when I have kids. These kids don't even come home with me and I can't keep it together!

So, here's to you Class of 2019, you will do great things. You will always hold a special place in my heart. I look forward to hearing of your accomplishments. Thanks for blessing me with your presence this year. I am humbled, honored, and proud to know you.

They definitely saw my "true" colors and decided to bless me with such a lovely photograph...