Dusting off the keyboard again as it's been awhile since I've attempted to fill this white screen. It's not that I haven't been inspired. There is plenty I could write about -- my students being awesome, or my teams or resolutions -- but most of the time, my words only make it to the blue lines of my journal. After this weekend though, I've got some thoughts swimming that I'd like to entertain.
If you've followed my Facebook feed for any length of time, you can probably tell that I really love reading about personality types. A year(?) ago maybe my friend, Christine, sent me a link that offers a personality test and after you've taken it, it sorts you into one of 16 different personality types. My husband, Kyle uncovered this link last night, so we had some fun diagnosing ourselves and learning how creepily accurate this test was. According to this test, which you can find here, I am, to the core, an INFP. Essentially, it means I'm a soft-spoken, introverted, altruistic idealist who cares too much and has overactive feels. Although my dad tried so hard to get me to be more outspoken and assertive growing up, those weren't the traits I inherited, I guess. However, I am married to the exact opposite of myself, an ENTP, so he balances me out. The ultimate argumentative devil's advocate, he calls me out when my emotions are clouding my clarity and puts things in perspective, respectfully, of course, when I'm being unreasonable. You should go read about these types and take the test. Very entertaining and eye-opening!
After weirding out at how accurate this data was, I started thinking about how this affects my work/students/athletes. The following is a list of thoughts that flash across the mind of an INFP teacher/coach at least once a week, if not daily:
1. I take things too personally. Not something I'm proud of but I can't deny it. When my kids fail a test or lose a game, I can't help but take full responsibility. If they failed, it can only mean that I didn't fully or effectively prepare them. The millions of other variables, like the fact that they didn't study or parents are in the middle of a divorce, don't matter. When that happens, the introversion in me, steers me away from talking to people for fear of the blame that others must be thinking. It's all my fault. (Exhausting, right?)
2. I rarely feel "good enough." I'm not fishing for compliments here. Just one of the weaknesses of an INFP. I want to be the best for my kids, and I don't always feel like I am. This goes back to taking things personally. Vicious cycle.
3. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me. The "F" in INFP stands for feeling. That is one thing I'm not short on. ;) But it's not always a good thing. My anger has almost gotten me kicked out of a few games or at least yellow carded, and my enthusiasm has sometimes led to some interesting outbursts. That I get from my dad. In the heat of the moment, I may yell or turn a frustrated comment onto my unsuspecting young'ens. I sometimes need to remind myself to let them know I am proud of them just for being awesome and trying their best. On the opposite spectrum, I watch a beer commercial and melt into a big, sappy puddle. I recently watched American Sniper. My tear ducts are still replenishing themselves.
4. INFP's care too much about what people think. Again, not something I'm proud of, but it's what holds me back from voicing opinions or sharing this post. I can't stand when people are mad at me or disappointed in me or think less of me. INFP's aim to make life better for others, and if we aren't, we feel like failures. Can't we all just sit in a circle and sing kumbayah? Thankfully, I'm married to someone who doesn't care about what people think, and he's again balancing me out.
5. Positivity is preferred. INFP's are naturally idealists, which means we try to focus on the best in everything: people or circumstances. Bad things happen, mistakes are made, but what's the point in focusing on it? I try to adapt this philosophy in my coaching style, asking my kids to look to the next point or next opportunity. Who wants to focus on the negative? This is also something I've learned from my other fabulous coaches and colleagues. However, this is easier said than done as I do some times struggle with it. Idealists, like myself, often hold unrealistic expectations, so we are easily let down.
6. I care more about my kids and my work than I can physically show. I beam with pride when they succeed and feel for them in times of frustration. I just wish I had the time to get to know each of my students completely. As much as some of them drive me crazy, there is always something I can appreciate about them, a trapped soul longing for connection. Once they enter my classroom or step onto to my court, they are all "my kids," and I think they are awesome! I just hope they leave me knowing that they are valued and loved.
So, sure, I could be a little more outspoken or extraverted, but I've learned to accept who I am. It's just interesting to me to see how my personality affects my work habits and relationships. Go take the personality test! It's fun. I'm curious to see what kinds of friends I have. ;) Happy testing!
