Check your pants

Word of advice: when your alarm clock goes off, get up.  Don't hit snooze 17 times like I do; just get up. Unfortunately, I did not heed my own advice this morning, and I paid the price.  Apparently, the universe wanted pay back for ignoring the world for an extra 15 minutes of sleep.  Consequently, a series of unfortunate events ensued. Well, not a series, but a couple. 

As you can infer, I was running late this morning after denying the fact that I did in fact have to wake up.  I headed out the door at 7:36 prepared to watch for cops while I carefully sped down the highway.  Before I could make it to the highway, someone had other plans to end my life.  This person decided not yield at his left turn while I was passing in front of him.  After I laid my body weight into the horn, he barely slammed on his brakes and swerved before hitting me directly.  If I wasn't awake yet, that certainly did the trick.  No one was hurt even though he almost hit someone else swerving out of my way.  All things considered, I actually made it to work some what on time and with only minimal speeding!  

Incident number two happened on my lunch break.  I ate a salty lunch at Panda Express with the hubs then I headed out to run some errands with my left over free time.  I pulled in to a gas pump ready to drop some cash, and as I slid my leg over the rough texture of my car seat, I heard it.  A quick, solid rip.  I got out of the car, felt the wind blow, and realized... My pants had ripped.  Cool.  Apparently my two-and-a-half-year-old-Gap jeans just couldn't hang on to the seam of the left butt pocket. 

Since I was on lunch break of teacher inservice, I didn't have much time to fix my problem.  I could have put on some athletic sweats to hide my inappropriately placed hole, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself and Target was conveniently located across the street.  I figured this was a pretty good excuse for some new jeans.  So, I slowly settled back into the car, trying not to exasperate the gaping hole.  Once I parked, I inevitably stretched the tear even more getting out of the car.  Realizing I was showing more of myself than I wanted to be seen, I attempted to walk.  I wish I could have seen myself as I waddled like a pirate with a peg leg, keeping the leg sporting the torn fabric straight out and swinging it out to the side of body so the hole wouldn't creep open.  I tried to minimize the full moon exposure. I felt like I had a prosthetic leg and was learning to walk again.   Inside, I discreetly dove into the clothes wall trying to hide the white gleam from my jeans from unfortunate onlookers and averting my eyes from any former students.  I grabbed the first pair of jeans I saw that weren't awful and came in my size. I tried them on with success, hurried to the cashier, proceeded to change, and escaped ridicule, laughing at myself the whole way.  Surprisingly, I still made it back to school on time for our second session.

Sometimes life plays jokes on you just to check your sense of humor.  God's got to throw you rough day every now and then to make sure you're still light enough to laugh at yourself. So, moral of the story: don't press that snooze button. You could almost wreck and your pants could rip.  Get up and start your day on the right side of the bed. And check your pants.